Thoughts Of Personal Nature In Rant FormWednesday, August 29, 2012
|Lost In Thoughts by Bianca.ferrando|
And don't just stop there. Make some real change to kick that ingrained old set of habits.
And that is my goal lately this time. Funny, it feels like a new year's resolution. When in fact it's mid year and a few more months to my birthday which I do not celebrate. Maybe it's the big number that is propelling me out of the 'youthful' phase. It's making me feel like I should feel something extravagant. But I don't.
I do feel youthful whenever I get some real sleep, though. I'm no insomniac but sometimes I feel like deep sleep is hard to come by, especially when I'm busy scribbling in my head, creating stories, observations of events and conclusions and intense criticisms that routinely spin themselves out as my head meets lumpy pillow.
I realize that I think too much. I think about myself thinking that I can hear myself criticizing what I am thinking about. My mother says that it's the way some people are. Don't be grabby and start over-analyzing every single freaking thing.
I realize that I'm kind of a fantastic listener except for when I go way off course and start over-analyzing the fiction that people re-create from fiction they heard from some corner of the world via TV or radio. And I get exhausted just trying to make sense of nonsensical things. Other than that, I've got amazing ears that can sense a fart from a distance.
This ability can get annoying in certain circumstances but it sure makes me aware of strange characters with untoward vibes whenever I'm out in public. Which is very rare. I'm no paranoid duck but perhaps news-reading makes everyone a candidate to mild fruitcake-ness.
I realize a cliche thing to realize: Old habits, preconditioned states of mind and learned reactions are hard to shrug off. I've technically realized this before back in the late teen years. Funny that a young mind could imitate and regurgitate so-called life lessons so convincingly on the outside but failed so gloriously at putting them to practice.
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shanaz@RS | 3:45 AM | Labels: ramble therapy