My Mom Is killing Me Softly With Her Nagging – HELP!Tuesday, December 15, 2015
|Image by Lotus Carroll | CC|
I answer to a reader's concern about his/her mom's intense nagging that has him/her in a state of resentment.
My post about nagging moms still receive comments after all these years and I'd like to answer to some of the comments. Although I did write about when one turns into a nag, the post for some reason wasn't as popular. It makes me wonder if there’s a cognitive dissonance that happens when a person finds herself becoming more like their mother. The ones who nag typically do not equate ‘nagging’ to what their mouths are prone to do. Personally, I will not fault anyone repeating something twice, reducing the act as a nag but in the digital age apparently for some, repeating something once said moments ago is considered thoroughly annoying, fatally unattractive and can trigger an ugly tantrum from the naggee.
I’ve come to learn overtime that with the passing years, people grow older and that sometimes, they develop the habit of repeating what was said a moment ago as a notification of some sort that the matter at hand is kind of important. I confess this wasn’t my mindset back when I was younger. Young people are too busy finding themselves to notice that the aged ones who are reduced to the label prone-to-nagging may just be holding on to a shred of control that they think they have.
Though I’m not that old yet, I’m starting to feel like I kind of get it, in a way. And for some reason, I feel a bit weepy to find myself crossing the proverbial bridge where I leave a bit of my young, self-absorbed self behind.
Nevertheless, I still want to attempt to help those who feel like they can’t quite catch a break because their moms, pops, grandmoms or granpops, hubbies or wifeys are such intense naggers they’re afraid they might do the unthinkable.
Nagging Mom Trouble #1
A summary of the reader's comment sharing all the woes experienced at the hands of a nagginator mom:
“My mom super nags and says things only to fight with me. I love my mom but I resent her so much now. I’ve had enough because she says the meanest things and only a supreme deity of some sort can make her stop at this point.”
My reply as follows:
I am sorry to hear that you’re having a tough time feeling the love for your mom slowly eroding and turning into resentment because of her nagging. When your mom resorts to saying ugly things, know that it is out of your control as people who vomit verbal diarrhea are usually acting out of the angst they’re feeling inside. I want you to let go of that resentment because it adds nothing to the relationship. Have a time-out, enjoy your life to the limit and make sure that when you get home, greet your mom with love no matter how many words she is capable of spewing out by the millisecond from her pie hole.
Do not react to her words. Be mindful and stay planted in your space and focus on the peace zone which is yourself. If you’re neutral and calm, you can have a clear insight on what in the world is actually biting your mom in the bum. I’m not saying you should act as her therapist but know that, a clear head from your end can do wonders.
You get to see the line that separates your own emotional bubble and where it meets your mom’s lethal battlefield. This is very important so that you don’t feed off of each other’s volatile emotional states. Let the nagger have a go at whatever it is that will somehow involve you but do not for a second give her a slither of satisfaction at seeing you EXPLODE in response. I’m aware this can be a tad idealistic as everyone comes with a less-than-perfect emotional slate but please do give it a try and report back if this method helps you in any way.
Now, if you have other helpful advice on how to dealing with an excessive nag, don't keep it all to yourself, please share. Let's make the world a better place for both naggers, naggees, recovering naggers and nag scientists!
shanaz@RS | 6:53 AM | Labels: nagging