How To Not Give A Toss?

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Shiva Dreaming by AlicePopkorn
This post is dedicated to those who are naturally ready to care and be there for people who will ultimately not give a toss about you or your well being. I'd like to think there's something good to be learnt even when the odds are stacked against you.

Growing up, I'd realized one liberating thing: Nobody can give you the peace of mind that only you know you need. Nobody can grasp the depth of your upset and anxiety.

How can they? They're simply not equipped to do that, especially if they themselves have their own issues to sort. But tell that to a child; he or she will simply zone out because the young mind is still stuck on learning by imitation.

What the parent shows through action, is what naturally sticks. And parents have it hard no matter what. The offspring shall rebel at any cost. Thus, parenthood is not something I see in myself.

I do not think I am that equipped. But all around you see young people getting married like it's a trend. Well, an approved one that is.

It's chaotic, the business of bringing up a child into the world. Particularly if you're like me. Whiny and annoying, I seem to be in a constant need for some self-parenting myself.

Nah, just kidding. I'm obedient by nature. I can be literal to the point of sheer naivety. Stubborn when I perceive antagonistic response, particularly from the high above or people who think they always know better.

But over the years, I learn something else. Giving a toss is bad to your mental health. Think of all the pricks you've known in your life. Do they seem aloof and indifferent to you? Do they have their own thing that they're excited that does not concern you, not even a wee bit?

Well...now you're right on track. The trick to being a prick is a natural talent among these creatures. But for you and me, oh dear, it's something we loathe to learn! You feel inadequate. Heck, I feel inadequate.

How do I set a limit? Where's my boundary? If you're easily emphatic to the point of making other people's problems your own, then you really need to learn a thing or two on how NOT to give a flying toss.

Here are some of the ways that you and I can start giving less of a toss and save our pretty souls:

1. People talk and whine. Sometimes, they do it for fun.

Just because you think that they may need a helping hand it doesn't mean they want it.

They may need your ears to listen and bleed for hours. As you listen, do not take their problems as something you'd like to fix. It is NOT your problem. Listen and watch the bugger like it's soap opera time. Then switch the channel and stretch.

2. Some people may talk and whine to get YOU to fix their problem.

Do not be tempted to do that. Just because you CANNOT stand other people having unsorted problems, it is not even YOUR business to do it for them.

Helping out a friend is one thing. But if you're on a rinse-and-repeat helping mode with this friend, then you have become a successful pushover. YOU do not want that! Get a life instead and stop hanging around the buffoon.

3. Now, you feel bad because you can't make that friend or your parent feel better.

It's all in the game, really. But if you're naturally obsessive, then the bad feelings you're experiencing about other people's problems will smother you.

Mind you, these people may already have found some kind of solace or a space of letting go even as they face whatever issues they're facing, but you will not be able to perceive this while staying stuck in that giving-an-extreme-toss mode.

So, are you feeling any better? I'm sure you will once you've got these points buried deep down into your senses and start putting them into practice. Let me know if you have other insightful advice to offer to the easily bothered down below!

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shanaz@RS | 2:57 AM | Labels:

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