How To Be Seriously Ugly?

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Your Ugly Face

Everyone wants to be beautiful or extra beautiful to be exact. And whenever you're feeling down about your own appearance, you will always come in contact with people who are prone to keep saying how "beauty is subjective", "beauty lies in the eye of the beholder", "being beautiful is to be yourself", etc. Yet, You remain forever skeptical and increasingly annoyed by this wisdom. So you start to indulge in delusions where you are slaughtering these people who make these kind of "clever"come-backs again and again.


If you're always obsessed about looking your best, and you're naturally pretty or good looking, the chances are you'll look good even if you're sporting a brown trash bag. But when I say "pretty" or "beautiful, there should be a standard to which I compare what's good to the eyes and what's not. However, this is not the subject of my interest. Instead of giving this much a thought, we'll just have to agree that beauty to me can be ugly to you and ugly to me can be beauty to you. It is indeed subjective.


It's old news that people hit the Google search engine to find the extra positive secret ways to further beautify themselves through tips and tricks. Nobody wants to admit that their minds slowly go crazy after in-vain attempts of understanding these little tips and tricks that just will not work on them. My solution is, why fight your ugliness, when you can just exaggerate it even more.


Now, you find that you're going nowhere with this whole game of trying to beautify yourself and through a burst of epiphany, decide to rebel against the whole culture of looking good. Let's toss this meme down the drain once and for all. Or, for a while, at least, for our amusement. People take stand to rebel against ideologies so why not rebel against the world's definition of beauty too.


Let us all embrace the ugly and make it uglier. Enough of trying to be beautiful. We all know that's impossible. Start right now by Googling "How to be Ugly?" No. Skip that. Just continue reading. Let's embrace our inner rebel and start to "uglitify" ourselves. You may ask: Why in the world would anybody want to look ugly or uglier than normal? The reason is: No reason. You just want to.


Here are some things you can do to enhance your ugliness. By looking at what's beautiful or good looking to the common population, we shall use this information to do the opposite and gain ugliness in our appearance and style.


Beautiful people tend to smile
. They exude positive energy through happy positive gestures. Just watch these people and you know what I'm talking about. They exaggerate their smiles. Their laughter is bubbling with warmth and they hold the people's gaze long enough to spread their bubble of positive energy. Yup, so they love themselves or appear to be by showing their god-sent white shiny teeths, for the whole wide world to see.


Solution
: NEVER SMILE. This is key. If it is hard to stifle a laugh or a smile, try chortling in the most awkward way possible. A face that is devoid of any emotion is even better. Do the flat face effect seen in cases of schizo and laugh when nobody laughs, snorts loudly while everybody else is laughing.


Pretty demeanor captivates the eyes
. One of the techniques to look good and feel more beautiful does not necessarily involve in beautifying your face. It lies in the overall demeanor and beautiful people are enhanced by that inner bright glow.


Solution
: Start thinking evil thoughts. Say and do things that will annoy people to bits. An ugly soul infects the physical appearance of the person like a chronic disease. If you have a knack at conjuring the negative of all thoughts, the ugliness will float out of you naturally without effort.


Good looking people have healthy lifestyles
, in general. They eat foods that are beneficial for their health, exercise and get enough rest to replenish their body, mind and spirit.


Solution
: Boycott all healthy-living habits and start trudging on a destructive path.Don't eat regularly, drink only alcoholic juices and work out by mentally spinning self-defeating plans that will suck out the life off you. Eventually, you'll lose the fire for life and become the walking dead. People will talk. You're on the right track!


Good looking people are associated with talents
. Though not all of them give a rat's ass, they often have focused goals and they hone their skills and talents in things that they have passion for. High self-esteem is developed and strengthened by focusing on the things that they are good at.


Solution
: Dismiss all plans that will foster any signs of talents that you may have. Cultivate a bipolar attitude towards every single task, by purposely failing to complete every single one of it. You don't want people to confuse you with those happy, beautiful, successful peeps. Ugly is your aim; so they should see this in no time once they see how pathetically talentless you are.


Gorgeous people build their image by their own positive reinforcement
. Theylove to talk about the things that they love about themselves; how they use their magnetic charm to get free drinks, to get promoted, to get the wedding of their dreams, and so on. They always seem to be fighting negativities in their own lives (and others), just to make this world a heaven on earth and urrghh, you get the idea.


Solution
: Accentuate your ugliness by giving off the vile vibe that you just DONT GIVE A DAMN! If they don't seem to understand you and start thinking you're pretty mysterious in a good way, cue them off by verbally expressing your ugliest thought about anything in particular. Better, prove it by action (or non-action). Breed negativities like breeding germs and pests in your house, by sharing with them your plans to kill the neighbor's pet monkey because you want to be the ugliest in your neighborhood. At all times, boast about any unproductive activities that you are involved with, to anyone you meet, so your ugliness shines through. And they will have to avoid you sooner or later.


BONUS SOLUTION
: ALWAYS CRITICIZE every single thing and every person you see. Hate yourself Eternally, but not to the point of suicide. Nobody gets to see your ugliness if you die, so keep a watch on those crazy thoughts. Once you notice that everyone you know tries to painfully avoid you at all times. Give yourself a pat on your back. Your ugliness now is beyond doubt. By this time, you are one hideous hellish creature and you should feel like one ugly M****F*****!!

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The reason why I did not provide the solution by attempting to "uglitify" your appearance and whole persona through makeup or surgery is because they will not give you the same best results from which the solutions above are able to offer.

Any other creative ways to be seriously ugly that you have in mind are encouraged to be shared with the writer, by dropping a comment below. Till then, keep your ugly on and the world will leave you alone!


shanaz@RS | 5:39 AM | Labels:

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