The Heart StuffSaturday, January 28, 2017
I love you the way I know. You love me the way you know. Somewhere, Life opens up another door. Together we go in, separately.
I was moved to write about this. Someone is healing her broken heart and with every passing day, as strength grows, she is visited with stomach churning despair. The love birds separated. I can only speak on the behalf of the woman experiencing, grasping her perception and applying what my own experience has taught me. So, kindly take this with one crate of salt. I think it’s so easy to feel like when it’s over, someone has to be blamed, like in films or that in bolstering our sense of confidence at the wake of a break-up, someone other than us is the demon.
The thing with this line of thought whenever a relationship, friendship or romance ends is that it fails to empower you - the woman who goes through the relationship. It’s important to be honest with yourself; after all the journey you went through teaches you about yourself. Your values, strengths, weaknesses, fears, doubts, and a whole world of insecurities along with your awesome bits and bobs. I love reading about love and deconstructing it so much so that it hits the skeletal remains leaving to shreds all the trappings of sentimentality weaved by fantasy-driven love stories.
Love can be nice, but it is also biological. It has its depth, yes. But when you as a person use romantic love to hinge yourself somehow, it does you no justice. We are all complete in our own existence. We meet someone to experience them and sides of ourselves. We meet ourselves anew in this experience. We question, express and appreciate ourselves. It’s a beautiful experience because in the spectrum ranging from the low to high moments in a relationship, we inch closer to realizing our own truth. What burns our own fire. Nobody in this world owes you that.
If in your heart of hearts, you love someone so deeply and that experience transforms you but that it has to end somehow, I want you to know that both parties can choose to be better versions of themselves because of the union. When you’re in love, know that something changes in you and it is physical as well as emotional. When the love ends, know that it can take some time to come back to a stage that is neutral. In this time, direct all the love back to yourself and the world around you. The sun still shines.
When you love, I feel it’s always liberating to love deeply. Even if it ends, that love has always been with you, from the start, way before you come into contact with the other person. Rewinding time is food for poetry. Be deliberate in your choices. Love is in you. Go back to that after you mourn. You are that. Go through the process without escaping yourself.
So, my dear ladies (and guys) who have been trying to mend a broken heart, know that you are not alone. It is not an exclusive war you’re battling on your own. There is no war. You are always in the process of knowing, and realizing yourself, every moment. With or without the other.
I am the type of person who loves deeply. I love the feeling of being loving to someone. It moves me. So, whatever I write here does resonate with my own experiences but I'm still learning. I don’t romanticize love but I do experience it as authentically as I can. I learn that you cannot possibly love someone other than yourself wholeheartedly if you are not already being the source of love to yourself. Of course, you can be in a relationship, heck, a kid can do it. But the experience of being self-aware of the process while it is happening can only come as you allow yourself to realize this too: In knowing yourself truly without judgment, then you can know another fully without getting lost in the pulling and tugging that can come with a clash of minds.
Loving someone may seem like an overrated thing in a world of instant connection but it is an investment of time and energy. And yes, it is a gift you give to yourself and the other. You are never reduced by any connection even though your mind in its compromised state of awareness may make it seem so. Every bond you build serves a purpose. Do so consciously.
Oftentimes, we want the union to last and this quietly becomes a prison of our own making. I think it’s nice if it lasts forever and ever for some. But, if your love relationships have a shorter time span, then, that is great too. Learn to let go when you know you must. Bless the partnership. Love always lasts. The kind that never is the one you have painted in your mind and that’s only ever a false picture.
As always, I'd love to end with something to ponder:
If you love another fiercely, can you take up this challenge: Be loving to yourself. Moment to moment. Especially when your mind is throwing brutal crap at you. It's easy to do it when you 'feel' fab, right? Do it when it's hard. Do it kindly. Be loving.
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