Old Ghosts Get Lost

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Old Ghosts Get Lost

I ponder on life, reflect on the quality of time as I creak open a door to a new experience.

There's something about letting someone show up and reveal themselves for a witnessing that is therapeutic. Inside I say: I'm here and I'm just going to watch what happens next. The derelict door to an abandoned bridge creaks open and I walk in. Anxious as a hypersensitive cat but also, in a state of surrender as I let old ghosts decipher themselves and get lost.

New feelings bloom. Dwelling on the old has finally lost its appeal unless it's fodder for writing, understanding. Time is indeed a precious commodity and I am reminded of this stark reality again within these couple of months and that it — time — sure is not a lot. To finally grasp this perspective on it is shocking as I've irrationally thought of it as rolling on by quite endlessly.

In my teens, the twenties felt far off and exciting but mentally I was rushing to catch it and when it did arrive, it sped off away. In my twenties, the thirties felt like a reach and the pessimist in me felt doubtful if I'd ever reach it. I am there and now, time just sneaks past, like wispy clouds on a breathtakingly breezy day.

It expands and shortens depending on the experiences of the moment. Perhaps, I'm old, mellow and my eyes are suddenly glazed with a newly-found potion of amore. I see stories in faces and when I zoom in on one who is a muse and also a new feature in my life, I can't help but to let his story entangle with mine. A door to many doors swing open. I'm in new territory.

I want to know this being even though the light state of anxiety pulls me this way and that; I cherish this gift that has been given to me. My world is bursting in vivid colors and sensations in a way only possible when I let the unavoidable take its course. We're all decaying at any given moment in time and to have someone delighting our hearts as we edge into the terrain of nothingness at the end is surely a blessing we ought to shower with generous gratitude.

With that said, let us all thank the precious people who venture into our lives in time we least expect them -- for showing us that we can put old ghosts to rest and see this one life we have, with a fresh new insight.

shanaz@RS | 11:11 PM | Labels:

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