Why You Solo?

Monday, July 10, 2017

Why You Solo?

Age has caught up. Everyone is concerned (exaggerated for dramatic edge). So, here's my really honest and imaginative answers as to why I am unmarried.

The idea for this topic was birthed during a visit to the loo. No need to imagine what. It’s pretty routine stuff.

I had a laugh creating answers to all the real and imagined questions blood and non-blood members of the human race had asked me when they opened their mouths to query about my state of soloness that suddenly turns into a giant RED dot in their radar.

#1. Are you married?

This question gets asked by random strangers and blood-related folks alike. Often, I say an instant no and flash a brilliant smile. The polite ones dare not to ask why not. Some may be relieved. The less polite to the more in-your-face kinds will straight away proceed to question number two.

My future answers to the first question which would be variations of the truth and non-truth would be:

a) Yes, I am. (married to myself) – This answer minus the married to myself bit will shut the topic down. But that would be a darn lie.

b) Yes, I used to. (in a previous lifetime) – Minus the cheeky second statement, this will quieten most people as they draw up an elaborate picture of someone recently without their S.O.

c) YES, soon. But you’re not invited to the wedding. – To be deflective.

d) NO WAY. Are you cray? – This is way honest.

#2. Why are you not married?

To this question, I instinctively want to send the questioner on a speedy spaceship ride to the black hole but that would be too much effort, spaceships aren’t potato chips and the black hole is mega awesome for such a person.

My usual boring answer that casually puts on display my charming ladylikeness: Oh, I can’t just marry anyone, can I? This is said in a very thoughtful manner so as to suggest that I had quite an in-depth reflection about this life and death matter.

My creative future answers to this question would be:

a) Why are you in my face? Depending on the person this is directed to, a laugh might be induced. Or not. Who cares.

b) Dunno, don’t care. - This answer might trigger an unsolicited solution posed as question #3.

c) I have no idea why and what’s it to you anyway? – This answer is likely to happen during that time of the month. Depending whether I emit murderous vibes, it may trigger question number three.

#3. Why don’t you allow me to introduce you to someone?

To this question, I get a bit flustered because now I’m already picturing them telling everyone how very single, ready to mingle and available I am that they can all take a number. Of course, I have silly exaggerated imaginations. My answer in my head to this question: Oh bloody no, please. Let the Universe do her thang!

Creative answers to be tried for FUN in the future:

a) Please NO. I don’t want to be with anyone just because YOU suddenly want to make it your personal cause. – This answer is way too intense. I’m sure the questioner just needed to show me some love in their own way, when they’re questioning the purpose of their own life.

b) WOW PLEASE YES! I’ve been waiting my whole life for someone to suggest such an out-of-the-box idea so I can finally be with someone who will be my future husband for life and hereafter. – Sarcasm over. This answer makes me darn happy.

c) Okay, sure. – This will easily shorten the whole tired conversation as this person moves on to a new important subject, hopefully. Which is when can I have some French fries and move away from loud people and places.

#4. Bonus intrusive question: How can you not marry at this age?

I am most often not around these people. But this question gets posed through an intermediary so I know they have no balls/ovaries to present this question to my face. Depending on the level of feistiness, my future answers would be:

a) Well, I’m the chosen one. – May trigger eyeball rolls. I love those.

b) None of your business. – I like this one. But may trigger loads of other stupid questions.

c) Goodness me, are you saying I’m old? You are quite a piece of non-unicorn crap, do you know that? – This is closer to my true answer.

d) Some birds fly solo.

The fact is I am alright. It is great if there’s someone. It is also cool if there’s none. Life still goes on. And everyday is a gift!

Now that you’ve done reading: Please don’t think I was sobbing while angrily smashing the keyboard. Enthusiastic smashing of the keyboard happened but hey, I am a writer. This is how I entertain myself and hopefully, you too!

A quote by Eckhart Tolle to seal off this entry:

“One day you may catch yourself smiling at the voice in your head, as you would smile at the antics of a child. This means that you no longer take the content of your mind all that seriously, as your sense of self does not depend on it.””

shanaz@RS | 4:21 AM | Labels: /

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