Girl, Befriend Yourself

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Girl, Befriend Yourself

Thoughts on my personal body image struggles, how I deal and my OOTD in a purple midi dress.

It's always a good time to let the words run out of me whenever the internet connection gets ridiculous. I don't know what to write exactly, but since I've got this outfit post due where I monkeyed around in a purple midi dress as my sister slash photographer snapped away like the sweetest papparazi she was that one gorgeous sunset time, I might as well dig deep.

Let's just touch on body image and body confidence for a bit. As a teen, like many teens, there wasn't a single day I was spared from questioning myself: Is my smile looking right? Why am I walking weirdly? Why is face so darn oily? Is my nose really that gigantic because so-and-so said so in passing? How do I feel okay when I feel that everyone's staring at my acne when they speak to me? How can I step out of the house looking and feeling wretched? These were the kind of questions that popped up.

Insecurity-ridden, I battled with the sense of just being me and the internet was not the way it is now - more text than HD photos. I did read a few entertainment magazines but not to the point where I had to be subscribed to any as I was more of an avid reader of fiction or biological/psychological text books. I can only imagine the challenge of the young today who are constantly bombarded by visual enticement that is polished and filtered to perfection. And as I am not completely immune to bouts of low confidence, I get the taste of the not-so-good feelings but the difference now is that I'm able to see them for what they are and allow myself to let go the stickiness of the negative emotions/thoughts.

I confess I have moments when I would choose to stay away from the mirror but it is less of a struggle when I understand the root cause of it: it gets triggered by my own misguided mindset. For me the relief comes in the form of returning back to the sense of acceptance of who I am and that I can let the mind run its crazy circus for a while, stay mindful but be not identified with the things that it regurgitates. I ask myself logically, why today of all days I feel less than my wholesome self? Is it just because I catch myself in a mirror expecting to see a different me? And sometimes the mind takes over too enthusiastically. After years of living on this planet and through the gift of introspection I realize again and again that it is my own negative thoughts and fleeting emotions that fuel the distortion.

I center myself by letting go of the imposed struggle that is flamed by the negative thoughts. I'm still practicing this as I type these words today. I don't try to make myself feel good in any sort of forced way these days as I practice being a neutral friend to myself, through a form of relaxed awareness.

Enough about me, what about you? Do you experience negative body image? How do you deal with it? Share your thoughts - I'd love for us to help each other out!

shanaz@RS | 3:25 AM | Labels: /

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